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Troubles…Continued

So let’s continue the story where we left off…

Nicole, her mother, and I were finally settled in our apartment with decent jobs. Everyone seemed to be happy, including me. But, deep down inside, I was nowhere near happy. I wouldn’t let it show though. Everyone else was happy so I was trying to force myself to be happy too. In all honesty, I had never in my life been so depressed. November passed…December came and went. Now, it was January 2016. My life just seemed to be getting worse. But I still wasn’t letting on to anyone that I was actually very, very unhappy and still very depressed.

To backtrack a little bit, I didn’t have a key to our apartment. The reason for that was because I was the last to put my application in for the apartment and I never found out if I was approved or not. So, the first weekend in January, Nicole and I made our way to the leasing office to pick up my key. When we got into the office, they looked up all my information. Turns out my application was never approved so I wasn’t going to get my key. Now that the leasing office knew I was in the apartment without having approval to live there, I could only stay there for 14 days at a time with a 2 day break in between. That was sort of out of the question for me because there was nowhere for me to go in Georgia. Luckily, I was out of town every other weekend anyway. So I guess that kind of worked itself out.

During the third week of January was when my life took a spin. I randomly started bleeding. I thought it was my period at first because I was just spotting here and there. Then the flow started to become heavier…and heavier…and heavier. It became so heavy that I was bleeding through a tampon and 2 pads every 30 minutes or so. And, did I mention how painful it was? It was seriously the worst pain ever. But, since I had no insurance and I didn’t want any hospital bills, I just decided to wait it out and see if the bleeding and pain would go away. That whole week, I lost a lot of blood. And I noticed that there were gigantic, clot-looking clumps of blood coming out of my body. I finally said something to Nicole about it and she told her mom. Her mom came to me and told me that I was having a miscarriage and that I should probably go to the hospital. I didn’t want to go to the hospital. I didn’t even know I was pregnant. (In the end of October, my boyfriend at the time and I had taken a pregnancy test because we knew it was a possibility that I could be pregnant but both tests we took came out negative.) This was definitely a shock to me. After looking back on a few things, the signs of pregnancy were definitely there. But, since both of the pregnancy tests I took were negative, the thought never entered my mind that I could be pregnant. But I was. During the whole time I was pregnant, I was stressed and drinking. These were the key causes of my miscarriage. Having a miscarriage hit me hard. Really hard. It really hurt me. Thinking about that beautiful little angel that I could have had…My baby was gone and I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I felt terrible. I was more stressed and depressed now than I was before. And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, my troubles continued…

I’ll pick up the story from here in my next blog.

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Just a young girl in a crazy world, taking things one step at a time.

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