Posted in Life

My Patience is Wearing Thin

Placeholder ImageBack in September of 2015, I lost my grandmother. She lived in Virginia (where I grew up) and that’s where her funeral was going to be. Well, I was living in Huntsville, Alabama at the time so I had to drive from there to Virginia for the funeral. It was my only option because I didn’t have enough money to fly and one of my brothers and my God brother wanted to go as well. So we all put our money together and decided that we would drive my old 1999 Toyota Camry to Virginia. In my mind, it was a great idea, seeing that my car had made it to Houston, Texas just two months before for my brother’s wedding.

We hit the road two days before the funeral. Well, the funeral was on a Friday and we left at midnight on Wednesday. I wanted to travel overnight so that I could spend most of the day on Thursday with my family whom I hadn’t seen since Christmas 2013. When we got on the road, everything was fine. We had our music and our snacks. We were good. The car was good. I was driving while my brothers were sleeping. When gas started to get low, I decided that was a good time to stop, fill up, stretch our legs, use the bathroom and whatever else we had to do.

My brother thought that it was a good idea for my God brother to drive since I had been driving for over six hours. We only had about five hours left to drive and I felt like I could do it. I wasn’t tired or anything. But, I gave in and let him drive anyway, even though I think he was still very tired. So he started driving and everything was good. We were good. The car was good. I decided that since my God brother had the GPS, he would be good to go without me giving him directions. So I got comfy and took a nap. I woke up to the smell of smoke. The car was filled with smoke and was smoking from the back and from under the hood. My brother was still driving. I told him to pull over so we could check everything out and see what the problem was.

After checking the car, we found out that the car had overheated, the cap popped off of the oil and melted the spark plugs, and the engine was blown. BUMMER. Now what? We were three hours away from our destination but we were now stuck at a gas station. Things were no longer good. I called my dad who had made it to Virginia just a few days before with my mom from Mississippi. He was able to rent a car and come get us. His step dad, who lived about and hour and a half away from where were broken down, was able to bring a trailer to get my car and tow it back to his house. So my car and I were going in two different directions.

Today, of course you all know, I am living in Mississippi with my parents. My car is still at my grandparent’s house in Virginia. I have been working, trying to save money to get my car fixed for so long. The end of 2015 and the beginning of 2016 was just a setback for my life in general but specifically for saving for my car. I was not able to save any money for my car until after I was settled here in Mississippi with my parents for a few months. I didn’t exactly start seriously saving my money until August 2016. Now, it is February 2017. I was finally able to land another part-time job, so now I have two jobs. I’m praying that by March or April of this year I’ll have enough money to get my car fixed and get it back. But, honestly, my patience is wearing thin. It’s been about a year and a half now that my car and I have been separated. I know that its going to take more time and patience and money to get it back. I just hope I’ll have to strength to make it through this test. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue to work and save for this. I’m halfway to my goal of $2,000 but my patience is wearing thin…

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School Woes

So it’s January 2017…2017… 2 0 1 7. This year was supposed to be the year that I graduate. But, not anymore. Here’s why…

So of course you guys know that in 2014 I met Nicole. When I met her, I was attending Oakwood University in Huntsville, AL. Well, after my spring semester in 2015 I decided that I was not going to return to Oakwood. I would like to say that it had nothing to do with outside influences but it did. Honestly though, I didn’t like Oakwood and I actually still don’t. But, since I didn’t like it back then, I made that known to Nicole and other friends and they encouraged me to go to school, just don’t go back to Oakwood. So I didn’t. I had planned on going to a local community college and pursue a degree in Cosmetology. I was supposed to start in October 2015, but, as you all know (if you’ve been following my blog), I ended up moving to Atlanta in October so all school plans were put on the back burner.

After I got settled in Atlanta, I started to look at different schools and apply to some. I didn’t know when or how I was going to attend classes while working a full-time job as a teacher in a daycare, but I was willing to try it out. I wanted to start school in January 2016. Well, that didn’t happen. I ended up moving to Mississippi anyways.

So, after I got settled in Mississippi, I was determined to get back into school somehow. So I applied to Itawamba Community College. I got accepted and started taking a summer Spanish class. The summer came and went, I passed my class and I was ready to start fall classes. I registered for fall classes, got my schedule and my books. I was all set and ready to go. I finished up my fall semester and registered for spring classes early. Everything in the world of school was looking up for me. Until now.

A few weeks ago I found out that financial aid will only give you so much money to attend a community college. After you exceed a certain amount of credits at a community college, financial aid will no longer assist you. Since the credits that I have exceeds the limit, I had to find another school to go to. I chose the University of Mississippi since they have a campus close to where I live. But, I got a late start on my application process so I didn’t know how things were going to turn out. I was still going to push to get in though.

Classes at the University of Mississippi start on January 23rd. Today is January 23rd. Sadly, I didn’t have everything submitted on time to get into school this semester. I needed all of my transcripts from all the colleges I have attended. I’ve been to three but they only have two of my transcripts on file. They needed shot records and I had to take a TB test. I don’t have any updated shot records because at Oakwood, I was exempt from shots. The last time I had any kind of shots was on my 5th birthday. And, I found out on Thursday that I needed all this information. So that left me with one day to get everything done. Unfortunately, I was only able to get them two of my college transcripts on time. Everything else is still not done.

I feel kind of discouraged about this whole school process but I know that everything happens for a reason. Even though the reason may be unknown to me, God knows. I’ll just have to learn to wait and trust his timing. I know that He must have something greater in store for me. I just have to have patience. I’m still praying for His direction in my life. I really want to be in school so that I can finish the Social Work degree that I started in 2012. So, if you’re reading this, just send up a quick prayer for me. I know that if one door is closed, God is going to open up a window!

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From Buddy to Babe

While all of the craziness in my life was happening, there was one person who stayed by my side. He was my best friend and I called him Buddy. Well, after being in Mississippi for a week, Buddy and I sealed the deal and decided to take our “best friendship” to the next level. So, on February 10, 2016 we started our relationship. As of today, we have been together for 11 months and this has by far been the best relationship I have ever been in. We build each other up. We push each other to do better. We’re currently working on the spiritual aspect of our relationship so we’ve started praying together every day. Of course we have to do it over the phone because we are in a long distance relationship. We do see each other about once a month but that’s okay for now. We know that one day we’ll be in each others faces 24/7 so we’re looking on the positive side of things.

One thing that I really love about my boyfriend is that he has the utmost respect for his mother and he’s overprotective of his sisters. The reason why that is appealing to me is because I know he will carry over those qualities into our relationship, which he has done and continues to do. I love that I can go to him with different concerns that I have and his answer is, “Don’t worry about it, babe. I’ll handle it.” And since he is definitely a man of his word, he handles it, whatever it is. He never stresses me out and I can trust him 100% with everything. That’s new for me because I honestly have never trusted any other male 100% with everything. But, I feel like I can be comfortable with him and trust him completely because of the strong foundation we built in each other just as friends before we even thought about being in a relationship. He brings out the “happy” in me. He helped me get through the depressing times in my life. He was a great help to me when I was going through my miscarriage. Other than Nicole, he was the only other person that knew about it, and, of course, the guy who was the father of the baby. But he has always been there for me. And I love him dearly. I don’t just love him. I am “in love” with him. There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

And when you’re in love with someone just as much as they are in love with you, oh, what joys will be brought about.

 

 

 

 

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The Great Flight

“Wow! Two blogs in one day?!” I know that’s what you’re thinking but I’m really trying to get finished with this depressing part of my life so here we go.

On February 3, 2016, I woke up late and watched TV while Nicole got ready for work. I would usually be getting ready myself but I wasn’t because it was moving day for me. So, Nicole left the house, her mom left, and my parents where quickly approaching. I got up, took a shower, got dressed and packed. By the time my parents got there I was ready to go. As soon as they walked through the door, I felt a sense of relief and shock simultaneously. I was going home.

My mom and dad got my stuff loaded up in less than 15 minutes. I was just in a daze. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I was weak from not eating, I was nervous because I hadn’t told Nicole or her mom that I was leaving because I didn’t know how to tell them. I knew it would hurt Nicole and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. After all, she was my best friend. But, at the point I was at, I could do nothing but leave and hope that she would one day understand.

When I left, I told my dad to take me to my job so that I could see my boss and coworkers before my great flight. When we got there, I felt so peaceful, confused still, but peaceful. I said my goodbyes, we all prayed, and we left. I was on my way to Mississippi.

Upon my arrival, of course my dad laid down the house rules (all the ones I tried to get away from the year before) but I didn’t care about the rules. I was happy to comply as long as I had peace of mind. It took me about a month to come of out my depression. But my parents were great to me. They still don’t know 100% what I went through, but they helped me out greatly. My stress seemed to disappear instantly. I was on the road to recovery.

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Troubles…Continued

Happy New Year! Now that all the Holiday festivities are completed, let’s get back down to business…

During the time of the miscarriage, something else was going on between Nicole and I. During one of our many weekend trips, I had gotten a ticket while driving her car. She had a headlight out that had been out for quite a while. And since I was the one driving the car when we were pulled over, the ticket was put in my name even though the car was not mine. The ticket was going to be due around the beginning of February. Well, toward the end of January, I’m not going to lie, I was not trying to pay that ticket because it was not my car and I was barely driving it by that time.

So, something I said to Nicole ticked her off I guess and she just stopped talking to me. During the time that she was not talking to me, I did a lot of praying asking God to show me where he wanted me to be in my life. Not necessarily my location but what I was doing with my life. And I was also asking him to reveal to me the people that he wanted me to have in my life. After about a week, I went to work one day completely stressed out and quite tired of feeling invisible in a house where I paid rent. As soon as I walked into my job, my boss asked me if I was okay. I told her the truth. I was not okay. She told me to come into her office and tell her everything that was going on. As soon as I got into the office, I literally broke down in tears. By the time I got to the end of my story, she told me that the best thing for me to do would be to go home. Home as in my home, with my parents, in Mississippi.

I was still very against going back to live with my parents but, deep down, I knew that was the only thing I could do. I was broke, hungry, stressed, depressed, and still going through a miscarriage. I was at my worst. Staying where I was wasn’t going to help me get better. I knew that, my boss knew that, and my parents knew that. I clearly heard God speaking to me telling me to go home and start my life over. I heard Him saying that he was showing Himself to me and showing me that He was answering my prayers. I couldn’t run anymore. I couldn’t hide. I was too far gone. I was at the bottom and I was finally looking up. I had to go back home. So, provisions were made for me to return home withing the next 2-3 days. I had no idea how to tell Nicole or her mom that I had to leave. I was still trying to come to grips with the whole thing myself. So instead of saying anything, I said nothing. Nothing at all.

To be continued…